Mabel's Guide To Death
by Barbacar
Summary: Sadly, Mabel didn't survive Weirdmageddon, but her ghost sticks around long enough to make one last video for her "Mabel's Guide To" series.


When the video started, it showed a dark screen.

"Are you sure I'm gonna show up on film?" asked a little girl's voice.

"Yeah, I think so." said a boy's voice.

"Alright, let's start rolling!" said the girl.

"I think we're already rolling, least that's what the red light's supposed to mean. Oh, wait, the lens cap's still on!" said the boy.

"Oh, shoot!" cried the girl. "Take it off, quick!"

"Before I do, are you still sure you want to do this?" asked the boy.

"Sure am! I owe it to my fans to finish this series!" said the girl.

"Alright." said the boy.

The lens cap was removed, and the video then showed a young girl by the name of Mabel Pines, floating in the middle of a rather modest looking attic bedroom.

Now the reason she was floating was due to the fact that she now seemed to be a ghost. Not only was she floating in the air, but she was pale blue, translucent, and she was covered in the marks of numerous gruesome injuries. Still, she beamed brightly at the camera.

"Hi there!" said Mabel, waving. "Welcome to another installment of Mabel's Guide To Life." She giggled sheepishly and said "Well, I guess you couldn't really call it 'life' anymore, 'cause as you can see, I'm kinda maybe sorta totally... super duper dead."

"Now, long-time viewers will notice that I was still alive in the last installment, so they might be wondering what did me in between then and now." said Mabel. Gradually, her smile changed into a frown and she sighed.

"Let's just say, there was this whole... thing, called Weirdmageddon, and if you're watching this and you got hurt during it, then..." She looked right into the camera and sadly said "I'm really sorry..."

Mabel took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Her frown gradually reverted back into a smile as she said "But the good news is, there was only one casualty." She pointed to herself and said "And you're looking right at her!" triumphantly, as if she were proud of the fact.

Mabel then said "Anyway, now that I've kicked the bucket, I thought that I should give some pointers to all of you future ghosts out there. So, without further ado, let's start!"

The video then cut to Mabel floating in a kitchen, next to a counter with a cup on it.

"One thing a lot of first-time ghosts will notice early on is that you can't really pick stuff up anymore now that you're all see through. Watch."

Mabel waved her hand up and down, and it passed right through both the cup and the counter.

"See?" said Mabel. "It's like you're not even there! But, there's a solution. You just gotta concentrate real hard."

Mabel narrowed her eyes in concentration as she again placed her hands on the cup. This time, she was able to lift the cup up. She turned to the camera with a smile.

"Nothing to it, once you get the hang of it." said Mabel. She put the cup down and said "Once you've figured it out, the next thing you'll want to do is to find everyone you love and give them the biggest ghost hug you can."

She gestured a hug before saying "Dipper, did you keep track of how many ghost hugs I've been giving?"

"Well," said Dipper, the girl's brother. "You've hugged me ten times, Waddles eight times, Grunkle Stan six times, Great-Uncle Ford five times, Candy and Grenda four times each, Soos three times, Wendy twice, and your own pillow once."

"Hmm, sounds like there's still some people I need to hug. Could you set up a hug quota for me, please?"

There was a slight pause before Dipper said "Alright, who are you wanting to hug in particular?"

Mabel put her hand to her chin and thought for a bit. "I'm gonna have to think about that. But when Mom and Dad get here tomorrow, you can bet I'm gonna give them so many ghost hugs. They're gonna be so happy! But also probably pretty sad. Cause, y'know, their daughter's deader than a doornail."

Then, the video cut to Mabel floating in the woods.

Mabel beamed brightly and said "Now, sometimes, when you're a ghost, you'll think about how dead you are, or how much dying hurts, or how you're never gonna grow up, or how you probably deserved to die, or about every bad thing you've ever done. Now, the bright side is that since you're a ghost, you can just phase down underground somewhere and cry your eyes out for as long as you want!"

"Uh, Mabel, is there something you want to talk about?" said Dipper.

"Nope!" said Mabel cheerfully.

The video then switched to Mabel sitting on a grave stone, grinning as she swung her legs back and forth. The grave stone read "Here lies Eustace Befufftlefumpter, beloved mayor."

"Ghosts aren't the only kind of unlife around. There's also skeletons, vampires, and of course, zombies! I don't really have any experience in being a zombie myself, but a few of my friends do. Soos was a zombie once, and I think Wendy was at one point, too. They told me that it was mostly like being alive, except that you really, really want to eat some brains, and also you kinda start falling apart. There's a cure for zombie-ness if you drink it in time, but for this part of the guide, I thought I'd ask a more full-time zombie."

She looked down at the grave and said "Alright Huckabone, you can come out now!"

Mabel smiled, unfazed as the decomposed arm of former mayor Eustace Befufflefumpter rose out of the ground in front of the tombstone.

"So, what's it like being a zombie?" asked Mabel.

Eustace's voice rose from a couple feet underground. "It's not all that bad. It has given me ample time to catch up on my lying in dirt. Plus, being underground is perfect for the darkness and the coldness and so forth."

"Do you like brains?" asked Mabel.

"Why yes!" said Eustace, pointing his arm upwards. "Brains are some of the tastiest parts of any creature. Why, I had my first taste of brains back in the early thirties. As I recalled, I tried to start a new trend that didn't exactly take off."

"Do they taste any different as a zombie?" asked Mabel.

"Somewhat." said Eustace. "They taste mostly the same, only far, far better, to the point where they've become my favorite food more or less. They taste differently depending on the species, though. A pity you aren't alive, Mabel, or I would recommend to you a local beaver which just has the most delicious brains you'll ever try."

"Well, my brother's still alive." smiled Mabel, looking at the camera. "Maybe he'd like to try some."

"Splendid!" exclaimed Eustace. His arm pointed at the camera as he said "You there, boy! Would you like to try some delectable beaver brains?"

"Uh, I'll think about it." said Dipper.

The video then cut to Mabel floating in the town square.

"I don't know a lot of skeletons, at least not walking ones." said Mabel. "But I know that if I were one, I'd play my ribs like a xylophone all the time!"

Mabel then started using her fingers to tap her chest like a xylophone. Being a ghost, her fingers just passed right through her body. She looked at the camera with a brace-filled grin, saying "Just imagine that this is making xylophone sounds."

She continued tapping her chest with her fingers, making xylophone sounds with her mouth.

Shortly afterward, the video cut to Mabel floating in an underground lab underneath the shack. Her great-uncle Ford was standing at a table working on something, his back turned to the camera.

"Some of you viewers might be wondering, is there any way a ghost can be brought back to life? Well, I asked my Grunkle Ford, who knows more about ghosts then anybody else I know."

She turned to Ford and said "Grunkle Ford, could you tell my fans what you told me?"

Ford turned around, glancing at the camera before looking at Mabel and sighing sadly. He said "Unfortunately, Mabel, I'm afraid that the options for that are pretty limited. Most of them require an... intact body, and most of them wouldn't exactly bring you back as yourself."

"Seems like I'll be staying dead, then." said Mabel cheerfully. "That's fine with me."

Ford looked at her with concern before saying "In that case, I think it would be best to fulfill what's keeping your spirit here so that you can pass on to the afterlife. You'll be safe and happy there."

"Can do!" beamed Mabel. "In fact, that brings me to the next part of the guide!"

With that, the video cut to Mabel in front of the shack, sitting on the porch.

"Most ghosts have unfinished business of some kind." said Mabel. "You'll need to get them done so that you can go up to the great whatever-it-is in the sky. For me, I'm not quite sure. Maybe it was for getting Grunkle Stan's memory back, but he's mostly back to normal and I'm still here. Maybe it's to make sure everybody's gonna be alright without me. Maybe it's just to say goodbye to everybody. Now that I think about it, it might be all of that stuff, plus a couple other things."

She gave a warm smile and said "Whatever your unfinished business is, I think you should take the chance to say goodbye to all your friends and family, 'cause hopefully you won't be seeing them for a very, very long time."

The video cut to Mabel back in the attic. She smiled and said "And that concludes Mabel's Guide to Death! I... I sorta have a special announcement."

The ghostly girl sniffled slightly, but she kept on smiling at the camera. "This is gonna be my last guide, and my last video in general, pretty much. I'm sorta dead, you know, and I'm almost done with my unfinished business."

Tears welled up in Mabel's eyes, and her smile grew. "It's been great, everybody. Both making all this videos, and life in general. But, it was my time, and I'm okay with that. I have a lot of people to thank for my life being great, if kinda short, and I'd like you all to take a look at the one I'd like to thank most."

"Alright, bro-bro, come say hi to the viewers." said Mabel.

"Are you sure?" asked Dipper.

"Sure I'm sure. Don't be shy!" giggled Mabel.

The camera was set on a nearby shelf as Dipper stepped into view. Mabel gestured to him and said "My brother..."

She closed her eyes and gave him a big hug, grinning as brightly as she could as tears flowed freely down her cheeks. "...who I love _soooooooo_ much..." she said. Dipper initially blushed with embarrassment as he looked into the camera, but he quickly returned the hug and smiled.

As the two released from their hug, Mabel looked back into the camera and continued. "...is gonna put me to rest in a few days, and I'll be able to move on to Heaven, or Valhalla, or whatever afterlife is in store for me."

She wiped a tear from her cheek as she said "Don't worry about me. I'll be perfectly fine in the afterlife, probably having tons of fun and going on amazing adventures. But first, I have one final bit of advice for everybody."

Mabel sniffled before saying "Live life to the fullest, and find happiness wherever you can. To everybody seeing this, I wish you all a long, happy, healthy, amazing, great, incredible, awesome life. But, when you do eventually get to the afterlife, feel free to look for a girl named Mabel Pines if you ever wanna listen to some more advice, or just hang out."

Mabel gave the biggest, brightest smile of the entire video as she and Dipper waved to the camera, happily exclaiming "Bye!" as the video came to an end.


End file.
